Assalamualaikum my ravishing readers. I hope you are all well and are excited due to the summer holidays peeping just around the corner! Yes, I am back and better than ever! Believe that. I was away for what seems like a century because of the fact that I had my GCSE exams and wanted to spend all my time focusing on revision. In'Sha'Allah (God Willing) it paid off. I'm dreading for August: results day *gasp*
In my previous blog post promised you I would make my blogs even better, fully committing to post two posts every month without excuse. I am here to fulfil that promise. Expect bigger and better blog posts and videos! Help a sister out and subscribe to my channel if you haven't already :) So today's topic of discussion is something I'm not too comfortable talking about with people face to face, so why not talk about it over the internet? Anxiety.
Start off by watching my video below and come right back to finish off reading this blog post. I apologise on the 'not so good' quality of the video but I assure you, my next videos will be much better as I have a new camera with better sound quality! Thank you for your patience and continued support. I appreciate you all.
http://youtu.be/R4HIaOhrp14
Let's start off with the simple explanation of what anxiety is and what it can do to a person. In a nutshell, the dictionary definition of anxiety is a "general term for several disorders that cause nervousness, fear, apprehension, and worrying." This 'disorder' which people class anxiety as can affect someone is a very negative way. It affects a persons behaviour, how they think and impacts and manifests real physical symptoms, something I want to personally share with you all. That's what a health website says. I'll give you my side of the story.
I 'diagnosed' myself with Anxiety almost 2 years ago when I started Year 10 - a very important year which impacted GCSE grades. It was all just an 'illness' at first, feeling horrible, hot, sick and agitated. I thought it was going to last maybe a week maximum.. boy was I wrong.
I started to realise how flustered I was getting and I honestly thought it was because my Hijab (headscarf) was wrapped too tight or the scarf itself was too thick. My 'symptoms' got worse throughout October to December and I honestly thought I had a real illness, but I didn't. I realised that as soon as I entered a classroom with this 'sick' feeling, I started panicking a lot. My hands would shake, my legs would shake and I had horrid thoughts at the back of my mind all the time. "Tasneem, everyone's going to look at you if you're sick", "Tasneem, you're going to fail your GCSE's if you don't stop shaking", "Tasneem stop". Voices in my head telling me to stop worrying but I lost control of myself. I couldn't tell myself what to think, all I wanted to do was to get out of the classroom - fast! And that's what I did. Every single time I kept getting these symptoms, I asked the teacher to let me out of the classroom to go to the medical room because I "felt sick". I did honestly feel physically horrible and ill but I was emotionally drained. It got to a point where I had to carry a bag around with me everywhere just in case I had a panic attack.
After the Christmas holidays, I came back to school with full on "worry mode". Throughout my holidays I kept thinking about how to deal with my stress from school along with other problems, whether it be family or friend related. I never got the time to "relax" during year 10. Never. I wouldn't let myself. My motto was to work hard and achieve my best otherwise those voices would tell me that I'm going to fail my exams.
The year went on where it was towards the summer holidays and the end of year 10 and my panic attacks worsened until I was able to confide in one of the teachers at my school. Long story short, I was learning relaxation and breathing techniques which I thought wouldn't help, but it honestly did, just a bit. I knew that this summer was the only time where I could relax because when I came back to school, I would be in Year 11 - my GCSE year! I guess it got better because I knew how to deal with my panic attacks but it was annoying whenever I had to leave the room, whether it be once a week or once in a blue moon! The thought of me missing even 20 minutes of a lesson just added to my "meter of worry". I didn't want a stupid disorder to affect my grades which would stay with me for the rest of my life. There were good days where there were no panic attacks, there were bad days where I felt like panicking but got over it and then there were horrible days where I missed a lesson because of a panic attack. It seriously frustrated me.
My "symptoms" stemmed from me being constantly stressed. Because of my Anxiety problems, my every day life isn't the same. I worry about the littlest things from missing my bus to job interviews. My life has changed but the most important thing is that I know how I can better my situation and calm myself down. There will be times where I feel like I need to leave a room due to the fear of the room "closing in on me", especially with many people in the room, but that's okay. I've learnt that it's not my fault and that I am in control of my mind. It's okay to panic sometimes guys.
Yes, I guess I sort of suffer from claustrophobia as well but that's okay too. I personally know some people who suffer from it as well which makes it better for me because I know I'm not alone.
I guess there was a constant fear of me thinking that it's only happening to me when it could happen to anyone. I don't want YOU to feel like you can't speak about your anxiety to someone. I don't want you to feel alone. I don't want you to worry.
You may think I'm just saying this (but I'm not), but praying was definitely a way for me to escape reality and just 'trust the process'. I didn't want to be so caught up with the world, I just wanted to be in my OWN world, just for a few minutes. It didn't hurt. It didn't waste time. It was "me time", something I didn't regularly get to have.
I battle with Anxiety and I won't ever be 'cured'. It's not a disease. It doesn't define me or what I stand for. It's something that makes me stronger, emotionally. I can now deal with things I thought I could never deal with. Thank you Anxiety.
What I want you to take from this is the fact that you may or may not suffer anxiety but if you do, don't be scared. Don't let it control your thoughts. It's hard to fight the voices, the fear, the nervousness, but you can do it. Seek someone to speak to before you let this 'disorder' control who you are. Learn breathing techniques. I'm not going to guarantee you that it'll work straight away because you need to master them. Trust the process, seriously. It takes time to perfect and learn properly but in the long run, it'll be worth it. Count the blessing you have and be thankful for everything. Here is another website which I used to help me personally deal with anxiety. Click here.
"You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it"
And that's a wrap! Thank you for reading this long blog post. Make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel. My GCSE exams went better than I expected so I'm so grateful. I didn't let my anxiety get to me. I stayed in control! Stay positive. It always gets better my darlings.
You can e-mail me for any queries or problems you have at tasahmedadvice@gmail.com
As always,
SALUTATIONS x
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